Author's Posts

Oh Hello WP 5…this is new…

I am now realizing that I left off the last blog post on a not so cheery note. Life is not always glitter, bubbles, and hot coffee. But that’s ok.

I’ve decided to start taking better inventory of my makeup and skincare products to help choose better ingredients and to make sure I take the time to review the product. Keeping a record like this to better analyze what I am doing in my self-care routine will also hopefully benefit others. I do have a pretty normal-ish skin type, so if something irritates me it is likely to irritate other skin types as well.

Getting back to regular blogging is another one of my new year goals. Blog at least twice a month. What topic? Who knows! This blog has never really been about 1 specific thing, though Lucy and knitting is a running theme. I’m hoping to branch out and really take a good look at where I am in life with each post.

On that note – 2019 goals
1. Blog post twice a month.
2. Knit 9 pairs of socks.
3. Take digital inventory and cross reference the ingredients of my makeup and skincare products.
4. Take the time to actually self-care, not just perpetual window shopping on the internet.

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I’ve gone an opened my Etsy shop. So far I’ve just got some extra stitch markers in there. Next up on the docket are knitted items I am no longer wearing, or have never worn, or worked on as test knits for other designers (sold with their permission of course).

So what’s up with this post title? Grandpa is gone…I don’t really want to talk about it. But just fyi, trying to stay on the practical side of things, the shower is the best place to cry.

You’re already wet.
The water is hot and comfortable.
It’s easier to blow your nose.
No one can hear you.

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Sorry blog, I really need to get back on a regular posting schedule!

Looks like I skipped about two months or so of updates. My bad.

What’ve I been up to lately? Well I bought a bullet journal and some watercolor markers. This time around the journaling process is coming a little easier. I got the actual official bujo journal, in icelandic blue, and I got stencils. So…it’s slightly better? Continue reading Skipped and back

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Today marks the end of an era. Today is the last day of my two weeks notice and I’m trying to contain my glee and excitement for what is to come.

To be fair, I wouldn’t consider my 5 years here a complete loss.

  • I’m not afraid to talk to clients
  • I’m not afraid to host conference calls
  • I’m not afraid to be wrong in front of my co-workers
  • I’m not afraid to make live updates (though I still don’t like it)
  • I’m not afraid to push back.

I’m not afraid to make this change.

Unfortunately, my two weeks notice was riddled with hefty reminders of why I have been job searching to begin with. Sure it has been nice working from home, at my own pace, setting my own tasks…but there comes a time in one’s life where the desire for more human interaction, planning for the future, and wanting to contribute to society in a more meaningful way overpowers the hermit within.

In the meantime, I’ve also been stress knitting. I’ve busted out 4 hats, a pair of mittens, a cropped sweater, and I’m working on both the knit and crochet mystery-a-long for the Rose City Yarn Crawl.

Anxiety, the great motivator.

 

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I spent a lot of time last night thinking about how I want to make up for being a shitty non-existent entity of my extended family that lives relatively close by.

I’ve felt bad about it for a long time now, but I think I have a plan to fix this even if I am still relatively distant.

 

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Where technology meets the ocean and a hat I don’t want to knit twice.

So I have a problem with knitting. This problem is that I don’t like making things twice…might be why I still haven’t been able to make a pair of socks and sleeves are the spawn of satan. But anyways, the Skyping Beanie was one of my husbands favorite hats, until it got stolen. (Some jerk somewhere out there has a nice merino cashmere hat). I took this as an opportunity to tweak the pattern per his preferences: large fold over brim and tweed yarn. Continue reading Duchess of Dyepots & Free Pattern

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Sometimes when I’m by myself, my mind wanders to the most hurtful things that have happened in my life. In particular, there is one moment of realization that I had as a pre-teen that set the mood for the rest of my teenage years. It is also one of the most important things for me to express towards my husband so that he never feels this way in relation to me.

Ok enough of the vague intro.

What happened is that at about 12 going on 25, I realized that I had no friends. I was gone for a week from school. When I came back my teachers, my classmates, the people I ate lunch with, the people I played pingpong with. No one asked where I had gone. I was unnoticed.

This is about the time where people stopped saying to me: “Oh, you’re such a sweet girl” to “Wow, I never would have expected you to say that”. And why? This is the time I started using swear words. Constantly. Because I stopped giving a fuck. Because I felt empty, alone, and bored. Because I was sleepy, tired, unmotivated, unmoved, outside the crowd, and selfish. I had to be selfish because no one had my back.

Eventually, being myself like this won me a boyfriend. I treated him terribly.
And after high school, I lost my connection to just about everyone who knew of my existence. Hilariously, I never turned to drugs or alcohol as a young adult. I’m 31 now and still have never smoked a cigarette, gotten blacked out drunk, or gateway’d into the harder things. I’m a square. I’m a square with holes.

I’m used to being alone now. I did a year of living on my own without a roommate. Glorious days of not speaking a single word to a person. Sometimes I miss that. Yet every now and then I remember that weird feeling knowing, and then forgetting again, that no one remembers me.

Do I still feel forgotten? Sometimes. Am I going to cry about it? No.

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