Right, so it’s the 20th already and I haven’t posted my vacation pictures, my WIPs, or any updates on le kitty. MY BAD. LOLZ.

Ok, for serious now.

Hi, how are you doing? To be honest, I’ve been suppressing a desire to vague-post something incredibly serious that is happening on the Facebook where I will garner the most attention and sympathy. There’s no real information that I can attach to this so there’s no reason to post about it. No, I’m not upset, depressed, suicidal, nor is it related to politics, world events, social media, social society, nor is it related to the weather, geography, or the cosmic universe. It’s me. Me me me me…me. -_-

In leu of vague-posting on Facebook…I’ll just do it here where there are less eyes.

Point 1 – Emotional State.

Eh, I’m ok. Just a lot of “this is new for me” and “no” responses making people have a little chuckle with me.

Point 2 – Available Information.

None, really. I semi-not-really promise? Depends on your definition of ‘new’ information. This makes Point 1 a legitimate answer.

Point 3 – What Am I Waiting For? A phone call? Eh, we’ll see. Eh, eh, eh. I kind of just want it to be done already so more things can happen. And then other things.

The reality of it all kind of makes me want to just indulge in the things that make me the most happy: knitting and food. Rawr…

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Well this doesn’t happen very often. I can’t find myself a cozy spot in our little bed to rest myself tonight. I have little bits of anxiety building up from various corners of my life. Like one giant rhombic triacontrahedron criss crossing my insides via spider webs made out of industrial steel.

Things just seem to be happening all at once. By comparison, I am much more relaxed the past two months than I was last year. I clearly recall being incredibly high strung and depressed even though I was really happy and excited. The anticipation of last year being that we were headed to Costa Rica for an eco-tour. (I regret not embracing Instagram to it’s fullest potential during that trip). But also the deep helplessness I was feeling from my life.  And then again, the lack of receptiveness and understanding I was expecting in other areas. Just overall feeling very disappointed with myself. I am tense.

A lot of that has morphed and channeled into a gross distaste for my profession. Personal embarrassments aside, I’m waffling between wanting to call myself a true LAMP stack developer and an e-commerce…stack developer…? What does that even mean? I’ll have to explore that in more detail after some more thought. But I’m a LAMP developer, I know a little bit of everything, and of those everything bits I know a whole lot.

Too add to this vapid self-reprimand: I’ve been shopping. Granted lately I’ve spent a lot of money, but I’ve also accounted for the important bills due at the beginning of the month. Those things being the glorious student loans of hate and despair. Those things that can’t be ignored or forgotten. Those things that eat away at your soul or else they’ll be garnished by law. Shopping is truly a short lived high.

And life doesn’t stop. And I still can’t fall asleep.

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