But who gets to say where that mark is actually placed? Who gets to set the terms of success or failure? What benchmarks have to be hit or missed?
That struggle between having enough and having just enough. Does that make me greedy or does that make me needy?
When I try to help myself, but it’s not getting me anywhere? When I try to help others, but it’s not getting me anywhere? When I try to let things alone, and that definitely gets me nowhere…
I’m done with letting the glass’ half-way mark be set by someone else’s standards. But it’s hard to break away from; the constant comparison, the hunger, the desire for better, even just what we assume to be basics.
I’ve been living for a while in Calvin’s Mother’s Camp: We have it good enough. Good enough just isn’t good enough anymore. The base level for good enough has been dropping faster than a DJ Tiesto Sunrise Album (any of them, ‘cuz they’re all the same name).
It’s time to switch to Calvin’s Camp: We have it good enough for yesterday, time to upgrade life standards. Letting things float along as they are now will only result in future dissatisfaction with myself, and I can see it coming already.
Shame is a terrible motivator. No one should ever be motivated by shame. I can’t say explicitly that I’m motivated by it, but I see it creeping along far far far behind me every once in a while. It comes out especially when I have to explain myself to other people. I find it very difficult to speak positively about myself in a face to face conversation. I start talking about anything or anyone else.
Right now, as a goal for myself: I will get a job that leaves me no desire to relax via video games. And in the meantime: Neverwinter and Guild Wars 2. Heh.